Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
