just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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