Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
