the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
