mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
