Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
