yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
