Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
