People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
