Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
