Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
