The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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