the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
