Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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