Can i not drive my cunt home
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
