Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found your dick twin last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
