dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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