They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
