Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
