I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
