Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
