You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
