there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
