Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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