dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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