I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
