Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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