Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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