I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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