how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
