Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
