you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
