we have pet lesbian snakes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
