So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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