4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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