I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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