I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
