We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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