I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
