when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
