Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
