I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
