So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
