I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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