I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
