I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
