Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
