you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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