You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
