dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
